Mild Attempts – Version 37

Last week I received the regular monthly tweet update about the re-ignited #UBHH (Uganda Blogger’s Happy Hour for the un-initiated) and promised myself I would not only attend it in full swing, but not give myself whatever excuse I usually give when work is pending on my desk…. “I’ll attend the next one.” As the day drew nearer, I remembered the countless emails Nevender had sent on his behalf (and on many other blogger’s behalfs) to bring the Ugandan Blogging Community together and use this togetherness as a spark to drive a certain impetus forward so as to ensure that whatever disruption happens next does not lead to another exodus of blogren (aka bloggers) from their trusty blank MS Word sheets to the shorter 160 characters of twitter and the ever-trending façade of good stuff on Marc Z’s global friend forum Facebook.

Long sentences aback, I was slowly realizing that turning up to the 5^th straight (or is it 6^th) UBHH would not only suffice in itself for me as a former regular blogger just like Solomon_King, Heaven, Kakoma (formerly known as SleekDawg) and use this meeting of similar minds to reignite/ rekindle my own deep relationship with my own blog Back2Basiks.

Cliché as is fits, I am indeed going back to the real deal basics in my writing approach.

The one size fits all phenomenon may not work anymore for my joint and I will not endeavour to maintain the consistency. All I know is that at the time when I was a consistent blogger, with my co-written stories and my deep sharing anecdotes and memoirs of days gone by would always allow me to have my life in a certain form of constant “check” and maintain a well-beaten path to madness versus sanity and clarity versus conviction.

So as Arnold said in Jimmy Cameron’s blockbuster thriller… “Nigga I’m baaack”

Where to begin though….

 

:Technique:

The following is a based on a hilarious discussion that we had with a dope and fun-filled conversation concerning my previous joint…. Tryna-get-it with an equally dope and fun-filled person a few years ago. Funny how I never wrote about this when I was more frequently on the Basiks-Joint hmmm! Well, you see (why do we always begin this way?)…

Looking over the initial approach that anyone, and I do mean anyone who has any interest in anything usually uses, be it soccer, a girl, a woman, a drink, an exam, a business idea, or even just welcoming you into a room, really does make it seem like the world revolves on the beggar mentality… You know the one where they say “a beggar cannot be choosy, huh?”

I for one have numerous arguments about that. You see (here we go again), where I come from in my country, it is imperative (recently added to my vocabulary) that subtlety and tact are and might always be the highest form of respect for anything. An example could be when the cat that used to be a kitten walks up to your feet and starts to play with them by rubbing softly yet firmly on them. Attention grabbing is smooth huh! The cat usually only does this when it is hungry and you have just about finished with the cooking process and today’s delicacy includes your neighbor-hood famous minced meat special…. The cat has the eyes of a cute little baby, and is meowing its way into your heart..

The completely contrasting example could and will be when the lady or gentleman for gender balance purposes in question completely knocks you off your feet and you find your herewith knocked-feet walking over to the lady/gentleman in question…

The immediacy of the actions by your body take over, and only when you reach the shared space with the hottie do you realize that you had not negotiated well with your brain and your mouth to arrive at the first opening lines that will not make you seem like a beggar or act like a wanna-be!

Here goes a mild attempt at technique and approach to smoothly, non-offensively yet impressively find your way into that hotties erm… XXXXX.. For lack of choice, or should I say for presence of too much choice, I shall leave the choice up to you who is very so kind to keep B2B in a genuine quest to achieve the 40,000hits mark by end of August this year….

1: relax… In my rugby playing days, the epitome of calmness was when in the 5-yard area between the try-line and the attacking players, you do not show that you will kick the ball to touch, but rather pass it deep to the full back who not only has a more powerful boot, but also has the calmness and nerve to see the best area to kick the ball to without making a grave error…
Watch what he/she is doing…

2; After you have built the courage and …. (losing the post a bit)

To get into a woman’s pants effortlessly and enjoyably, let it be known that it is in most cases, not your decision, but rather a woman’s decision. She knows whether she will want to take you home later that night, or afternoon (lols). So the ever-rewarding technique is not to smother her or shower her with gifts and presence and get the goods and split, but rather pique her interests so deeply that she will be begging you to at least hit it once. Now getting the difference between the two is what is known in the real world as Game… It is known amongst women as the [No-Move]-MOVE!! Hilarious innit!

The idea has always been to get in them panties whether she accepts it or not, but making her want to pull them panties down in front of you is what we are talking about here. The time to just chat with her about her ishy day and make her laugh about it too are considered World Silver medal considerations….

Noticing that she likes to wear skirts once in a while and trousers more considerably is part of the issue. Listening to her chat about world politics and not be bothered with stock prices is a class act. And yeah, in between, being a genuine and real person is the trick. Women have that uncanny and amazing ability to smell fakeness and lame-game a mile away! Heck! Make that two miles and counting huh!

Because of this, if it is a conquest that you are looking for and an amazing chips-funga with the cold bottle of pepsi to go, you must be a little bit tactful and a whole lotta genuine coz as we might forget, we must cater for a few of the feelings involved as women do “feel” a little more than gents…

But most of all, we must not lose track and imagine the deed before it happens and we must keep our eyes on the prize, especially if she knows that you appreciate the “hunt” as much as she does, coz it makes her feel worthy of the “hunter” knowing that she will be devoured with lots of pleasure…

Those are the words of a true player…

Oops, a former player!

tryna get it…

Looking back at all the posts, words, mini-attempts and full on thoughts that I have laid down here at the Basks-Joint, I always wonder what it is I was (still am) trying to find…

To answer this question, I slowly backed off the B2B-Joint and took some time to assure myself that if at all it comes back, BE SURE I will make a careful approach to making my opinions, humours, thoughts et al known only and only if it came back by itself…

The “it” in this case refers to the “interest”, aka hunger or as Luceeee and AntiPop will claim the word “mojo” and if Maxwell was in here, he’d call it his “muse”

Well, I am not sure what to call it, but a couple of days ago, I picked up the i-pod after my brother The_Dizzle had spent some time with it and I played the tracks in the playlist on random selection….

So on comes the title above, done by an African Hip-Hopper named Proverb…

“….tryna get it, hola at me if you with it…”

So to answer my questions, and give some semblance of an answer, I suggest that I re-learn how to write and express a few crazy and zany ideas that will most likely bring back the though provoking-ness that we at the Basiks-Joint were known to bring out…

Take the issue of decisions, my cousin asked me why some fellaz find it hard to tell a chic that they are through… and would rather give a few hints… I answered her by asking why is it that a chic will find it easier to wear a short dress and wink at you in passing and hope that you get that she really likes you rather than just blurt it out in your face…

Or take the issue of my homegirl who is moving to a sexy new job which will allow her more time to realize that she has so much more potential and opportunity to realize both outputs and outcomes that are in detail much larger than her input!

Weird huh!

She took the time to ask herself WTF it is that she really wants to do after the birth of her 3^rd born and only daughter! In her words, “the womb is closed”, so because of that, she needs to evaluate what she really really does want to do… With that she even want as back as when she had just turned 16 and then shared with me her deep interest in owning and managing a fairly large butchery based on her own piggery!

I was like SERIOUSLY!

But looking at the intent in her eyes with which she explained herself, I could see that the word is not going to be ready for her when they realize that she was even more serious than herself…

So, with those few words, Basiks…..

tryna get it

Back2Basiks

My date with Tumwijuke

So as we had pre-arranged it, I agreed to meet her at that quiet hang out in Entebbe called Q’s Joint…. It was a stray Sunday evening with no plans of heading to work the next day, as I, B2B was on leave for a few days… and Tumwi… well being freelance is her thing….

So I arrived on time as I sometimes do for all the dates I have been on, and called her like a gentleman does when I didn’t see her seated in the spot she had chosen. She told me to just look in the left corner of the spot and come and sit next to her. I waved and went to the bar and asked to have the waiter come over to where we were seated…

So, as I walked towards her, she did not flinch, she just continued looking at me like I was the usual suspect and I indeed read her mind and did Verbal Kint’s lame walk reminiscent of the Kaiser Soze in…………

Anyways, that didn’t cause any appreciation as the real reason whey we had agreed to hook-up was primarily business… It went like this:

B2B: howdie Miss Tumwi… Thank you for turning up!

Tumwi: Basiks, I see you appreciate time keeping! That is a good sign!

B2B: Yeah, I learnt the hard way… Missed a few deals because I assumed people were on Ugandan time like I was!

Tumwi: I know the feeling Basiks…. One if the main drivers of Uganda’s Private Sector is time keeping…. The reverse is true for the honourable state employees!

B2B: you hit the nail right on the head Tumwi

After the waiter came by, and we had ordered; (no prizes for guessing)

I had a cup of stir fried rice with vegetables and grilled fish fillet with a touch of tarter-sauce, while the lady had pork chops n’ebigenerako! With a cold beer for me, and a glass of *&#$%@ cocktail, which I can not name here, as the joint has some innocent readers!

We talked about the possibility of setting up a News/ Knowledge Portal that would envy The Sun, The RedPaper, and BBC’s The WeakestLink! We chatted at length about is disadvantages and impracticalities in a very different type set-up in a country like ours. She seemed pretty skeptical, but I asked her how the concept of Uganda Health Marketing Group came up with the TV program that airs on Sundays and has Irene Kulabako as its host with Abbey Mukiibi! She didn’t react much, till I finished my point!

She then asked me the target audience!

I told her the main target is intended to begin at the age of 15 i.e those that have just started O’Level… and my reason was the fact that the information diarrhea that is seeping through Uganda’s teenage population is nasty! Young people know  more about a certain Mr. Keifer Bauer, wait… a certain Jack Sutherland than what is going on in our very own Teso! People are amazed when the lightening Bolt decimated the 100m WR, but do not even know about Moses Kipsiro’s mishap as he ended up 4^th in Berlin a few days ago!

The youth are more conscious about Dr. Meredith Grey’s age and on-going happy humping with a handsome brain surgeon than the plight facing the state of public health institutions in our own country!

This got her going, as she added the fact that the mess of the Ugandan education system is one that has been gradually spread and not listened too by those that set it up for the lower numbered population in the 1960s and 70s…. You should have seen the disgust on her face when I asked her comments on the unaccounted for public funds that are being wasted in trying to develop a National Construction company t compete with the Zzimwe’s, ROKO’s and Pearl Engineering type firms in Uganda!

It is amazing when you sort of share the same or should I say similar rants with someone who effortlessly expresses them!

The discussion reached its high point when she asked me how this plan is intended to work! I told her that we embark on a regional school drive spending time with students across different regions alerting them of the rot that is going on in the Ugandan public administration system… Alert them that not all is lost, but lobbying done to parliament is allowing the inclusion of a few new subjects in the curriculum like entrepreneurship, personal money, and career guidance  that will allow them to start thinking deeply about themselves and their impact in the future, by making better choices now….

The discussion ended a little earlier than we had envisaged, but it was time well spent!

I am not going to bother letting you know that Tumwi was wearing a dark coloured skirt with a light top which showed off her cleavage…. Ok, not that I was looking! And also that she has a dope i-phone… also, she is very eloquent even more so than she sounds in her posts! And on top of that, her head contains lots of information about Uganda…. as you listen to her, you can’t fail to see her love for this country, and one day perhaps…. she could harbour some potential leadership ambitions….

She didn’t even flinch when I asked her this. All she did was say she would love to act as a voice for the ones that are down! And not as a full fledged politician! She did draw some lovely inspiration from the late Corazon Aquino and Benazir Bhutto!

—–

Anyways, nuff with the fiction, me and Tumwi on a date to discuss basikness is a dope idea! But she has bigger fish to fry, not so Tumwi…

hola

instant

The only thing I know which comes out instant is coffee… The one that you just order off the supermarket shelf and just stir in a cup of boiling hott water. Truth be told, that this coffee is actually made from the poorer quality coffee beans and is not really appreciated by the aficionados of coffee….

In life, the word gratification is not usually minced… it means what it means, and as a result, can be many a time misinterpreted as something that one feels that has to come immediately after receiving something! The commonest occurrence is if you are walking with your sexiness and she sees a pair of shoes at the fancy shoe store at the new Oasis shopping centre and she batters her eyelids at you!

If you tell her you are heading to the bathroom for a Number_One, and you will be right back, you will be able to sneak by the emergency ATM account and grab a kewl amount of Moolah and go buy the damn shoes when she is looking and get that Instant Coffee thing right there similar to gratification…

Yet, if you act like nada has phased you, and then enter the shop with you and take peak at the price…. make a deal with the hott sales girl about keeping you a pair in size 5 and a half, then turning up the next week with the moolah and the tip for the aforementioned hottsaleschic, you are lining yourself up for some deeper appreciation and no necessary instant coffee coz in this situation, you are building up the anticipation without her knowing nada….

The fact that dealing with the NOW as opposed to the SOON is a nasty thing!

We are in an era when there are so so many options, and hopping from one to another seems and feels so natural!!

I am not an expert, but I am learning everyday how to flush so many crappy things that I feel are totally useless for the time being and learning to not only focus, but to re-focus!